Relationships are so complicated. Realistically, this new guy is showing you his best side, charming you essentially. Others said they didn't know how i put up with her for so long. Its as though something deep inside me was telling me to get out of the marriage. I think you know all this, but it's worth mentioning. What if you do act on these thoughts and it turns out to be the worst thing ever and you have ended a marriage with a man you do know and love and trust and now this "idea" of a man does not turn out.
I hope you seek help and guidance to neutralize these feelings. It did get out but in hindsight it was a massive leap of faith on my part and not recommended for everyone. In reality, love is a choice. Now a 24 year marriage is ended, children have no father, and two adults are starting their lives over again.
I had over the years met a few woman and developed crushes on them but never did anything.
My X still calls him a "Good Friend", though he moved away. IVF had taken its toll on our relationship to get our first child and my then wife wanted another. This one was different though for some reason and we kissed. All for what felt like something special, but wasn't. You are in an emotional dilemma that is well advance I believe, it must be difficult for you to balance these feelings and that is why you've come here for answers. Find a relevant thread or start your own! When one starts to "let themselves go" it means that you are struggling to accept yourself and accept your partner for they are.
I think that you have a decision to make, turn inward to your relationship or outward and take a chance on this new person. I always did the man you have been seeking for her throughout the relationship but in the last couple of years i slackened off a bit due to my new job. It became such an issue we separated for several months then got back together and had relationship sessions. We met in our teen years, got married, built a nice house and had a good life together. It was several years later that the other woman came along. We split and I had lots of trouble accepting it. We often get these queries and commonly I refer members to the professionalism of say a psychiatrist that is attracted to a patient, how difficult it must be to remain professional and not breach protocol.
I was the husband at home, the father of our children, the original partner and love. Long story but we both left our partners and moved in together. My wife and I had to break up because she couldn't look me in the eye, she could not hug or touch me, she could not be intimate- she just looked sad and said nasty things to me to drive me away. Again auschic I'm not saying your current partner is an issue. I was tempted by women over all the years, staff parties where co-workers rubbed my thigh under the table or dinners where close friends got tipsy and acted inappropriately, but I stood by my partner.
Now you have nothing to base this new friend on, you don't know him really and you have not been in a relationship with him, the relationship and the thoughts of "what if" are in your head. He could be a chronic gambler, an unfaithful lover and so on This means that your mind currently is full of fantasies rather than the bigger picture.
I loved her so much I couldn't see it. I can share with you some of my thoughts about this and hope that it helps. This places you in a desperate situation and therefore the next step is, in my opinion, some professional consultation in the form of relationship counseling or similar. When people are committed and healthy, they do not ever feel the need to sail into someone else's tropical island getaway. These type of people are quite rare in society.
You can start with your GP. The other thing I'd like to discuss is the syndrome of "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence". As you mentioned this was not about sex as we didn't go there, not even a kiss, nothing that crossed the boundaries of my marriage, well technically So what to do, I know you are not going to want to hear this as the longer it goes on the harder and the more invested you become, until you question staying in your marriage and if you and your friend have a future together, you do have to say goodbye to this man.
She was a narcissist. I ended the relationship and we both went our seperate ways, however we stayed friends as she understood how different we both are now. We all fall in and out of deep love during relationships, but remember the one you are with, if they not abusive, is the one you know.
Repost anytime we are here to help out and not to worry if you have your thread here ongoing. The new guy at my X's work was a flash in the pan, he listened and sympathised, he laughed and joked-all to get my wife to have sex with him. You choose the person every day and you decide that you will turn inwards and support that person and they will do the same to you.
It was alway great to speak with her and I looked forward to it too. That we have stayed together through a 7 year court battle with my sadistic ex, and the resulting bankruptcy shows we are good together. It is really hard to manage but I can share with you how I managed it and see if it resonates for you.
I was at the time married, I have since divorced my husband but not as a result of this, for about 14 years when this event started, I started a new role and in the office was "this man". I dont need to explain how I felt as I think you already know, i felt electric to say the least when we spoke, he got me and we had conversations that were meaningful not just idol chit chat.
Have you considered a man cleanse?
Then he found someone younger and more attractive and moved on. I think you get what I am saying here and as horrible as it sounds and as hurtful as it is. Just make sure that you try and think clearly and logically when you make your decision.
We spoke a lot and realised we were both unhappy with our partners. I had a similar crush years ago and maybe calling it a crush will help you figure out your real feelings. We ed during the day, he had a connection, he consumed me when I was at home and I could not wait to get to work each and every day, even when I felt so very ill one day I went to work.
I think perhaps you need to have a conversations and address the elephant in the room and explain why you need to end the "friendship" as it has the potential to hurt you emotionally and hurt your marriage. In my case I just couldn't see why I was looking at other women.
It is such a painful and emotional thing to go through, that you are "emotionally" invested in someone else while standing there looking at your partner, whom you love. This is a space to ask questions, share experiences and support each other. Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.
You seem a passionate person that wants to "do the right thing" but very torn with this obsession. Some of my friends thought I was going insane when I told them I left my first wife for another woman.
Stop living for the approval of women
Being committed m e a n s that you are comfortable with who you are, it means you can flirt and window browse without the need to try anything out, it means you are mentally and physically healthy, it means you have self- compassion and compassion for your partner, it means that you know what you want and it also means that you are committed to yourself and your partner.
As others have suggested you need professional advice to clarify your feelings. I feel for you. You are not happy with some part of you and believe that another person will fill the gap within yourself. Welcome to the forum and it is great to have you here, I understand totally what you going through as I have been there myself. In my case the other woman attracted me and it wasn't until after that I realised why. But it seems clear to me that your feelings for this other man are well advanced and stronger.
In relation to the other girl Nothing physical ever happened between us and many years have past and nothing has changed. I have married the other woman and we are very happy together. In these situations we you dont know how he'd be as a lover, a partner, etc.
Here’s how to stop seeking validation for good so that you can live an extraordinary life on your own terms.
Then i started to feel a bit guilty and thought I felt like this when I first met my partner years ago. I knew a bit about the other woman but way less than what I knew about my first wife. Many years ago I had a partner for 7 years.
Before you can post or reply in these forums, please our online community and have a read of the community rules. I blame the movies for this notion that there is someone out there who is perfect for us in every sense and we just have to find them.
We spoke for a month or so, mostly about work but some personal things too and yes I mentioned my partner all the time. I was in a relationship for about 12 years or so. It took me quite sometime to realise why I wasn't happy with my first wife. It was the best thing I could do as I realised then that we would not have made it long term, the negatives of that relationship stuck out more clearer than before. You have now lost both. I have been through something very similar to you so I though maybe my experience will assist you now on what to do.
What you are 'feeling' is unhappiness with yourself. I was married at the time and we had our ups and downs and a young child together.
Immediately I made a choice to put all my efforts into my relationship like I did when we met as I thought she just a new girl. I was once like you, in a committed relationship with someone I loved. What you are experiencing is not uncommon and very normal for some who experience difficulties with who they are as a person.
The fact that there is things you dont know about this other man.